“I’ve never dropped anyone I believed in.”
“I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.”
I only coach women who expect to be courted properly and want a man, not a boy. If you think your lady center isn’t to be respected, please don’t contact me for relationship advice. Unfortunately, I can’t help you. I’m responsible for three marriages this year and I want to keep being successful.
Would you wander down a dark alley with a stranger and expect everything to be okay? Well, think about this: SEX ON A FIRST DATE IS SEX WITH A STRANGER! If you are on the first date (actually dates 1-5), he really doesn’t know you. He just knows that you are hot and fuckable. He has no loyalty to you whatsoever. Want to guess how I know? Ask yourself, if you turned him down and another girl walked by and offered him sex, would he leave with her or continue his evening with you? If you have to wonder for even a second about whether you can get an Über home, you know he is not deserving of your lady center yet (if ever.)
Besides, sex on the first date might be fulfilling for the night, but it rarely leads to anything meaningful long-term. And what if something goes wrong—he cums too quickly, his penis is too big or too small, he can’t give you an orgasm? Then you’ve wasted an evening and given up something that should be special to you.
Give yourself what you deserve and give a new romance a chance to become something worth having.
We all know the ones who survive to the end of the scary movies are the ones who don’t make reckless choices and take a moment to assess the situation before diving in. Deciding you are ready to have sex in a dating relationship is one of those moments when you need to find a place where you can catch your breath and wait until it’s safe to come out of hiding. If you are on date thirty, odds are pretty good he knows who you are, and he has continued to show up and spend time with you because he wants you. The relationship has had time to evolve, and you can feel more confident that if you turned him down this time and another woman came along, offering him sex, he would send her on her way because he is invested in you and how he feels about you.
This doesn’t mean you have to give him your lady center at this stage. You still may not be ready to go there for whatever reasons. Maybe you’ve been on thirty dates, but they were all crammed into a month because you saw each other every night. While that’s a lot of time together, it still isn’t a lot of time in the grand scheme of things, so giving it a little longer is totally reasonable.
It could be your thirty dates have been spread out over a year because one or both of you travel a lot or are really busy and you hardly have time to get together. That is a lot more time on the calendar, but it doesn’t guarantee a lot of time really getting to know each other.
The bottom line is you don’t have to give up your lady center before you feel it’s right; but, when you do, you should make sure you feel he’s going to stick around after he gets the goods.
Engagement or Wedding Night-Sex
There is the rare person in horror films who comes through the whole thing virtually unscathed. They are the ones who didn’t open scary-looking doors out of curiosity or run blindly into the woods. They were careful and paid attention to their surroundings so they could respond appropriately.
Now, I’m going to suggest a crazy dating concept in the 21st Century that might get you to the finish line without any wounds! Wait until you’ve got the full commitment! Make him put a ring on it first. I know one girl who is waiting until she gets married to have sex. FYI, she’s thirty-five. When she tells people about her intentions, they are in absolute shock. They judge her like something is wrong with her.
Respecting your body and wanting love with sex shouldn’t be shocking, but more people find it odd to choose not to sleep with a stranger quickly. That’s really pretty sad. What happened to love? Everyone knows sex with someone you really love is amazing, and you can’t compare it to getting banged on a first date.
If you want love, you must require love for the privilege of getting to your lady center. If you want commitment, you must expect commitment before handing over the keys to the kingdom.
This is from my book, “Don’t Go In That Room!”
Much Love, Light and JOY.
Sometimes you read a line in a book and it is so well-written, you close your eyes and need to take a moment. You won’t find anything that profound in my book, “Don’t Go In That Room!, but I can guarantee you will laugh.
Wishing you a happy Monday.
Much Love and Joy!
How many times have you wandered into dangerous conversation territory on a date and really blown a good thing or made a bad situation worse? There are some topics that seem safe enough and end up hiding land mines you couldn’t have expected, but there are some areas that just always hold potential disaster and it’s best to steer clear of them.
Here are the big ones:
Exes – If you tell him your ex is successful, he will feel intimated. Tell him your ex is a loser and he will think you date and marry losers. You can’t win here. So, if a guy asks about your ex, say, “Why would I ever want to talk about him when I could get to know you?” See what we did there?
Therapists – This screams baggage as loud as Jamie Lee Curtis in “Halloween,” so, even if he tells you he has one, stay away from this topic. He will think you are Cray-Cray.
Politics – Go ahead bring up Donald Trump; you will most likely get deported home. This is one of the most divisive topics of conversation you will find, and it’s best to save this for a few dates down the road, if at all.
Religion – This is the other most divisive topic you can bring up. Talking about Jesus on a date will leave you at home still praying for a boyfriend. While religious background and beliefs may be important deciding factors for you, it’s best to leave this for later, once you’ve had a chance to get to know who they are.
Finances – There was a time when you just didn’t talk about money in polite company. Guys can be intimidated by independent women, so if you tell him you have money, he may think you’re high-maintenance. Tell him you’re poor and he may think you’re a gold-digger. It’s another no-win conversation topic.
Health Issues – We all have some kind of ache, pain, or illness, but if you tell him you have IBS on a date he will think of you on the toilet instead of in the bedroom. In most cases, it’s really not that interesting and can be another thing that sends up the red flag of baggage and drama.
Diet –This could just be an LA thing, but everybody brings up their diet—I’m Paleo, I’m Vegan, I’m Pegan. I find it annoying. I eat cheeseburgers, candy, and drink diet soda. If I die from an overload of aspartame, I’m okay with that. I had a guy ask me if I liked my greens blended on a date. I told him I only like my margaritas blended. Turning your food order into a scene from When Harry Met Sally is only adorable in the movies. Being high-maintenance about your restaurant needs is a good way to guarantee you only get one date.
You may be thinking, What the hell is there left to talk about? Here, I’ll give you some five-minute conversations.
Your Kids – Men don’t really want to know about their first words, trips to the dentist, dance classes, or medical issues. If you have little Johnny’s primary tooth in your purse because it just fell out, don’t show him! But, it is totally appropriate to share that you have kids, their ages, and a little something about them; just keep his focus on you, not your kids.
Your Pets – Please don’t be that person who pulls out pictures or videos and talks about your dog or cat as though they are a child. If you show him your cat’s Facebook page or your dog’s two-hour YouTube video he may think you’re Cray-Cray! That said, most people do like animals, so there is nothing wrong with finding out if they have any pets of their own, and then move on.
Your Friends – Telling stories about people they don’t know can get kind of weird because they can’t relate. Look around you, especially if you live in NYC or LA; there are plenty of weirdos you can talk about. I had a 30-minute date conversation full of laughs about a guy we saw on the street wearing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pajamas, eating out of a box of Lucky Charms. I think I fell in love for a minute because he was so funny!
Your Job – This topic has the potential to be a big yawn for the other person or a source of great conversation. Maybe if you’re a crime scene cleaner you can elaborate a bit more. But, while it is an amazing and noble profession, if you’re a nurse, there is no need to go on and on about taking blood pressure readings and giving shots—maybe one quick, funny story about the man who came in with a drill bit stuck in his hand. Just keep it short.
Dates where conversation just seems to flow easily without much effort are really exciting and pretty much guarantee a second date. The ones where you struggle to come up with something to talk about can feel like torture and not only will there not be another, you can’t wait to escape the one you’re on.
Unfortunately, sometimes a conversation misstep can tank a date that had the potential to be really great and you might miss the opportunity to connect with someone who is made for you. Don’t let that happen. Keeping the conversation in the present, focusing on the things and people around you is the way to go.
This is from my book “Don’t Go In That Room.”
Much Love, Joy, and Happiness.
The Beverly Hills Eulogy (323) 452-9771
“Marriage is the death of hope.”-Woody Allen
Be thoughtful and kind this Valentine’s Day. It’s rare to find someone you really love.
Love, Joy, and Happiness.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
It’s almost Valentine’s Day…. give me a break with all my sappy stuff. I’m just hoping men use some of this romantic stuff and keep the love alive in their relationship! I want everyone to stay in a relationship this year that’s full of love, joy, mutual respect, and adoration; instead of hanging out with me throwing a breakup/divorce eulogy.
I seriously don’t want to throw so many Breakup Eulogies after Valentine’s Day this year.
Can you pick out the man in love?
I had lunch last year after Valentine’s Day with two women. One woman told me her boyfriend sent her to a spa for Valentine’s Day. She got a dozen red roses with a romantic card, a mani/pedi, a facial, and a massage. He made dinner reservations at her favorite restaurant and gave her the beautiful wallet she wanted at their romantic dinner.
The other woman told us her boyfriend made her dinner at his house. He had red wine because it’s his favorite, knowing she only drank white wine. He made spicy chicken because he liked spicy food, knowing she didn’t really eat spicy food. He skipped dessert because he didn’t like it, knowing that she loved it. He got her flowers from the grocery store and had them on the table, but without a card, and didn’t have a gift.
I don’t think I need to point out whose boyfriend is the good man totally in love and making the effort to see that she felt special. Also, I don’t think I need to point out who is getting married and who is not. And, in case you might be thinking, Money can’t buy me love!, you should know, the man who was thoughtless actually had a lot more money than the guy who went all out for his lady.
A man doesn’t have to be wealthy and do extravagant things for the woman he loves if he just puts forth the effort to be a little creative. If he’s desperate, he can pick flowers from someone’s lawn (though that is technically stealing and I don’t condone it), run her a bath, give her a massage, make her a dinner she likes, buy her wine she likes, make a homemade card that expresses how he feels. It’s the thoughtfulness that counts.
We all just want to feel loved and appreciated by our man and the older we become the less we need extravagant things. We just want to know we mattered enough for him to put some thought and effort into expressing his love; and, in return, we will give love back in abundance to that wonderful, thoughtful man.
Happy Valentine’s Day to you and the one you love.
If you’re alone this Valentine’s Day that’s great! You’re the one you love this year and must do something really sweet and special for yourself. If you don’t treat yourself well, don’t expect anyone else to! Go get yourself flowers and if you know anyone single, buy some for them too! Remember, it’s better to be alone than with someone who is thoughtless and just not into you.
The Beverly Hills Eulogy (323) 452-9771
It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.
I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea,
But we loved with a love that was more than love—
I and my Annabel Lee—
With a love that the wingèd seraphs of Heaven
Coveted her and me.
And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsmen came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.
The angels, not half so happy in Heaven,
Went envying her and me—
Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.
But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we—
Of many far wiser than we—
And neither the angels in Heaven above
Nor the demons down under the sea
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride,
In her sepulchre there by the sea—
In her tomb by the sounding sea.
This was the last completed poem by my favorite author.