Invest Your Heart Or Money?

I find it interesting that people are willing to invest their heart in a second marriage with a 67% failure rate, and yet they wouldn’t consider investing their money in something that had a 67% failure rate.

Isn’t losing your heart more important than paper?

If you were investing your hard earned money with a possible 67% failure rate you would research the hell out of it, and be almost certain that you would profit off the 33% chance of success.

Can the 33% chance of a second marriage work?

Yes, but only if you marry this person!

1. Marry the one you have amazing chemistry with. Chemistry must be taken into consideration for a great sex life, but a marriage can’t be based on chemistry. The Penis and Lady Center are dangerous creatures that have minds of their own! Make sure you’re thinking with the right head and your heart.

2. Marry the one who knows how to make love to you not just have sex with you. Huge difference! If you’ve been lucky enough to experience making love to a person you will never settle for just sex again. Just sex has its place, but making love holds marriages together.

3. Marry the one that is perfect the way they are now! All of their flaws are livable. I dated a guy that made a list of all my flaws when we broke up, he said, “I loved every one of them.” (The list was pretty long, I probably should’ve married him!) People usually change for the worst after marriage. Don’t set yourself up for failure thinking they will change for the better!

4. Marry someone with great character! The person that is humble, kind and responsible. (Please take out humble if you live in LA, I don’t set people up for failure.)

5. Marry the person who makes sure you are the most important person in their life. The one who makes it clear with all of their ACTIONS that you are the top priority. Who would ever leave this person? Remember actions and words must always match up!

6. Marry the one that has the same goals in life as you! You’re on a fun journey together to reach the same goals.

7. Marry the one you respect and admire! Do you want to be more like this person? Get the hell out if the answer is NO!

8. Marry the one that can blend a second family. The one who can learn to love your kids (or pets) like their own.

9. Marry the one you can talk to about anything. The person you can get completely vulnerable with. The person who lets you lay on their chest and cry on when life is bringing you down.

10. ONLY marry the person who is not addicted to work, money, drugs, alcohol, the Internet, hobbies, or to their ADULT children. You will not be their number one priority and the marriage will fail very quickly!

You may be a healthy person who understands what it takes to make a marriage work, but does your future spouse understand as well? If you marry someone who isn’t the above person and the marriage fails, it’s your fault, not theirs! You fucking married them!

Make smart decisions with your heart just like your investments, or I will be throwing you a Divorce Eulogy this year! Yes, my Eulogies are beyond fabulous, but as an ordained minister I rather marry two people who know how to love and be loved!

Much Love, Joy and Sex from The Beverly Hills Eulogy!

(323) 452-9771


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